I drank too much. My snot smells like vodka when I blow my nose.
It is obvious to me now why clam chowder & beer aren't a good combo.
You guys were grinding to YMCA. I knew you were going to hook up with him.
He was so bad, he was dry humping me and his dick was nowhere close to my vagina.
She said I walked up to the McDonalds counter and ordered just a cup full of pickles then proceeded to offer some to everyone in the place.
Maybe I'm a robot.
You can't be that drunk already
Just witnessed my roommate pick her nose and eat it in her sleep. Remember, you made out with that.
I actually took a sword out of your hands. You were samurai slashing lemons to make chasers.
I think it's starting to become crucial that I find a companion for my vagina.
my vagina hasn't met your boyfriend yet ... makes me sad
Sent him a nude and I forgot to crop out the Jesus picture in the background. The Catholic guilt is too real.
DO NOT LET HIM TAKE CONTROL OVER YOUR BOWELS
Just calling to thank you for not dying. I love you.
Probably going to live on vodka sodas and fireball shots
He made me cum 3 times, then immediately after sex packed a bowl and passed it to me. Yeah.. I'll keep him.
Randomize
