She looked like cheddar but tasted like limburger...
The walk of shame isn't so shameful when you do it in a stolen, autographed Favre jersey.
Some dude at the gas station right now is buying a 30 rack of beast and a can of cat food. Happy Thanksgiving.
he asked me if i "normally slept like that" because i was curled up in a ball facing the wall. then he told me that i woke up in the middle of the night and said "oh my god. i forgot you were here." how did he not understand that i didn't want him in my bed.
This girl brought half a watermelon to class. I want to be on her level.
Sorry I pulled the thermostat off the wall..
im tired of her bring homeless men home when shes drunk. THEY ARE NOT FUCKING PETS!!!!
Who is Katie and why do we have her birthday cake?
Maybe I'll make your dreams come true and pee on you tomorrow.
Discovery: bouncers seem to get really upset about fire
The hardest part about being a child of divorce is when you're at your dad's house but your condoms are at your mom's house.
Yeah then you killed that bottle of Bacardi in under 20 minutes. So much for being an organ donor.
You know darned well I have a well-documented weakness for redheads, Subway and hand-drawn graphic novels.
Dude my toilet did not deserve what I just did to it
I just baptized you in budweriser and you were cool with it
Randomize
