she calls it her "sourpuss" because everyone makes that face when they see it.
You drunk dialed me and told me to jump out of my second story window so I could give you head. I almost considered it.
Ugh I just wanna make an announcement like: Attention high school classmates: if we haven't spoken in 5 years, we don't need to start now. Please be on your way
We can just keep having sex until one of us finds someone we actually like
We got a noise complaint for vacuuming too much but not for getting really high and yelling about peanut butter
I may or may not be setting up an encounter with a foot fetishist just because I'm curious.
I'm gonna fight the coyote
Wow. Ok who would waste Game 7 ticket on kids?!
Poor parenting at its best
I found a used condom and a hairbrush in my dryer this morning.
Hiring someone to do your laundry would be a good investment.
oh i see... well this is a positive first step in you courting him for sex.
I am talking to a naked lesbian about robots. I think this means I win life.
You better have a raging boner when I get to your house and it better be worth missing work in the morning.
I'm naked and there are two trees and a yield sign
Be right there
She needs to move out. Her mom interferes with my penis being touched
So he called his lawyer from the bar to confirm the cost of hitting the douchebag before flooring him. I respect his planning skills.
Randomize
