I sent out a mass text that said "margaritas for Jesus?" and nobody responded, worst Easter ever.
i'm not accepting baked goods from anyone for awhile. especially after the stalker pie.
You look cute and you are awesome. And that means something coming from a judgmental bitch
the scent of your tears make me crave pizza
I'm gonna give him birthday punches. On the dick. With my mouth.
There are people taking shots out of a turtle shell.
Okay, I just got to our real hotel and the YMCA may have been a better choice. A man w/ no shirt on
Just walked in on him banging another girl. He told me " sorry but I'm gonna finish now that I'm caught" ...... I think this is the reason god gave me four older brothers....
I'm so lazy and tired i just want to cry and fall asleep in a bed of egg mcmuffins.
THANK YOU for not letting me make out with that girl omfg I was one step away from a foursome in the handicapped stall
just remember the most important rule of taking psychedelics: monsters can't get through blankets
Nope we are at the ER my brothers crazyass neighbor kinda stabbed him in the neck. He's gonna be fine.
My dream date: Hotdogs/nachos from the bar & tequila. Is that too much to ask?
It's hard not to feel like a terrible person with bruises on your tits.
Bachelorette party buss just rolled into down town. DTF, "horny hotties inside" and "show us your dicks" written on the windows....this could get interesting.
Randomize
