It's a sad day when you have to slightly move your fupa to shave.
it's just weird having a massive boner in the morning when you could have used it the night before.
Dude I just figured out the mystery flavor of airhead is vodka sprite, no way i'm wrong
watching elf naked is so much better than watching it with clothes on .
The mexican place next the the funeral home has dollar margaritas, our grandfather would want us to act on this... trust me i know.
we turned his baptism video into a drinking game
You were directing traffic around her for 30min after she passed out in the middle of the road.
You really are best friends.
I never kept track of who else he slept with. You think I have the time or the energy to keep track of every dick in my life?
I'm eating mac and cheese for dinner that way when I puke later it'll be festive halloween orange.
PLEASE. I won't throw up on the floor this time. Or fuck in the bathroom. Or dance on the pool table. So PLEASE.
Hey guys guess what I found in my bed this morning? I wish it was a man..but it was a potato
I knew you were cut off when you tried to order a "Phil Collins"
I'm honestly just saving all my liver's power for when I die this weekend. that's how it works right
The bouncer said the club was at capacity we couldnt get in till ppl left all three of them pulled their tits out we got complimentary bottle service never under estimate women
I attempted to walk home at 5:30 this morning cuz i was mad at him cuz he didn't want to cuddle and didn't have pizza. I got 3 houses down n fell over.
Randomize
