Tell LD happy birthday and party like it's $19.99
Recession joke.
ugh, i have officially sinned in all of my cute clothes. i can't even wear any of them without feeling regret.
You asked him to stand still, you put your leg on his shoulder, started dry humping the air
Oh no it's bring yor chld to work day...I'm too drunk for this
You tried to call "time out" during the sobriety test.
You need to get over here. I think the drunks are about to sacrifice a chicken to the beer gods. Or a freshman. Stay tuned.
Bring enough bail money and little extra for tacos after
Watching him is like watching a star slowly implode
Can you plz delete the video of me twerking in Waffle House, my mom just got a vine.
Apparently today is power bottom appreciation day
His dick is a spiritual experience and meditation is very important to me.
This fucking storm better not ruin my sex plans this weekend
Can't be considered a walk of shame if you pick up donuts on the way home
Just found out my dad smokes weed too. Mom, grandma, all aunts and uncles, and now my dad too. It's like I'm genetically engineered to be a stoner.
Turns out your granddad is cooler than you. We're taking him on our New year's eve pub crawl instead. Sorry.
Randomize
