it was a mass text i'm sorry
do you usually send 'hey sexy' as a mass text?
I'm blazed at jack in the box and my order number is 420. I wish everything in the world made this much sense.
Shes in the fridge organizing my beer collection. I love having a girlfriend with OCD
I just used my med student white coat as ID to buy beer at 9 in the morning
Fire inspection over. Blunts are OK
im gonna call it quits for tonight... I am so drunk I dont even have the motor skills to masturbate
Had to awkwardly dig through all my fake ID's to get my real one so I could vote.......Model citizen over here.
I have 20 seconds to get my life together and look presentable.
I just Tebowed the shit out of her.
Nice and you can't use "Tebow" in the place of every verb.
He brought wine and beer. I'll put my pants on for wine and beer.
Indeed. Apparently I called my sisters and told them I wouldn't get arrested because it's not a real sword.
I just realized my new apartment is at the corner of Patrick Henry and Mary Jane.
Give me weed or give me death?
We don't have the same problems as normal people do we?
I thought I came here to hook up, not for a Study Abroad 101 session
Somehow my boobs came up in conversation AGAIN last night and I'm still not getting laid...
Randomize
