You picked the wrong day to call in sick. She's wearing the librarian glasses today.
but his dog just died...ill send him an edible arrangement or a 6 pack or something
you'll never believe how fucking awesome rain man is when you're stoned.
Just got thank you sex for shoveling the driveway. I cant wait for the next blizzard
Just found a picture of a hobo making out with her tits...a HOBO
Oh shut up man. Once the police get involved its every man for themself.
At what point does "I'm too high to deal with you right now" stop being rude?
We smoked a bowl, ate popcorn, and watched her lava lamp for an hour. it was a quality bonding experience
We also had a full on debate about how realistic and useful teleportation and time travel would be...and only used Twilight Zone episodes as "scientific evidence"
what better way to celebrate the birth of jesus christ than to get embarrassingly intoxicated and make poor decisions!?
No more chicken and waffles served by drag queens at 2 AM. :(
Current dream situation- Gordon Ramsey is my Uber driver and he's hauling around a backseat filled with chocolate covered açai berries. I'm good for eternity.
We single women of America need to make America great again by refusing to fuck anyone who supports Trump.
Oh BTW the next time I see you I don't care where we are your dick will be going into some part of my body.
FUCK ME I smuggled weed onto a plane by accident
Randomize
