I almost took home a boy from the bar last night, till i realized he was not speaking drunk, he was from another country and didnt know english. that could have been an awkward morning.
dollar beers will do that to you.
Just spun two beer bottles and Placed them in my pockets perfect... I feel like the clint eastwood of drunks
Dude they are all farmers and I'm pretty sure there's a prostitute here.
The cops walked in to class and arrested 2 guys for possession.
It probably isn't a good idea to go home with last night's hookup's brother. And sister.
Probably is probably an understatement.
I'm going to do lines of vitamin c I cannot be sick for halloween
The words "me," "sober," and "new years eve" do not go together. Ever.
we were looking for paper towels to wrap his hand and i yanked a drawer out of the cabinet, it was fun so we just kept doing it. things escalated and long story short, he isn't gettin his security deposit back
We can put you in charge of something
I can be in charge of being more wasted than anyone there so everyone feels comfortable being ridiculous
i just came to a realization. Besides probably food, in my lifetime i think i have spent more money on legal fees than anything else
Have you had sex with a man from New Zealand? No? Then your input is invalid.
If you don't turn up on horseback dressed like a highwayman I am not having sex with you today
I wonder how long it will take her to realize that I peed in her night stand.
No, I didn't meet up with him! That's when I had chlamydia.
just drove past - why are you walking towards the shop in your pyjamas?
Can't talk, on a quest for bacon.
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