your head's too prwtty to be stuck in the books
Youre a pretentious asshole and im not sure who you think you are. Get the hell over yourself and the self righteous culture snob image because its pretty obnoxious.
Without porn, I would have few hobbies.
I don't think its a good idea if I moon a whole bar again
stop texting me from phones in the verizon store and pretending to be guys i talked to when i was drunk. its confusing.
He came on my chest. Sat back and said "hey it sorta looks like lake michigan!" kill me now...
Woke up with puke in my bed and my pockets full of Tootsie Rolls.
Jealous.
You had a towel around you and you called it your shot bib.
Ethically speaking on a scale from 1 to morally wrong, how wrong would it be to give babies ambien? Hypothetically speaking.
sweating bourbon at client mtg -- you?
It's just not St. Patrick's Day until someone pukes on your panties.
He left cushions on my floor, chocolate on my bra and unexplained scratches on my thighs. I think this one might get a second date.
We were too tired to finish having sex so we just stopped to eat the cheesecake and passed out. I didn't mind
I'd rather explain to the cops why I'm naked than why I'm drunk.
My boss spotted an injured PIGEON outside the front door this morning (at 3:30am) and requested that I catch it and take it to the vet. Catch it with what! Take it where!These requests have gone too far...
Randomize
