she told me she had a boyfriend but the alcohol told me she didn't
i just ate that cheese stick that was in my purse from last night.
you're putting all your eggs in a very hungover basket
im going to have to ask you to stop vomiting stars, rainbows, and butterflies all over your facebook statuses...
I bought my dad an absinthe brewing kit for christmas.. looks like tripping with my dad is in my near future.
just woke up COVERED in glow sticks and glitter. didn't even have to turn the light on to puke.
My dad told me my only assignment from now til graduation is to not die. it's a legit concern for him.
i was mezmorized. she was the most beautiful girl that looked like a boy i ever seen
He told me about how he pissed his pants last weekend like it was a normal part of conversation. Within 10 minutes I was going home with him. I think he put me under some kind of spell.
how do you expect me to pass the time when I'm too old to be jailbait but too young to legally drink
They filled a kiddie pool with lube and glitter.
Apparently when cookies are around I think of myself as a puppy and reward myself for everything #WhoIsAGoodBoy
you never keep up with shots anymore
I'm trying to be more responsible these days
you fucking tried to take your pants off and pee in Taco Bell's parking lot
I HAD SEX WITH COLBY AND HIS FIVE YEAR PLAN IS TO STEAL A REALLY EXPENSIVE PAINTING AND ASKED ME IF ID BE INTO HELPING HIM AND I WOKE UP IN HIS BED TO A WOMANS TUBE TOP NEXT TO ME
Disclaimer- Don’t worry about my wounded nip. I put a bandaid on it.
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