What do you want? Don't say anything that would make me look like a pussy at the store.
So apparently vaginal secretions are not covered under water damage insurance for my cell phone
just prayed to lady gaga in hopes it will help me pass my fashion merchandising final...what is my life?
She threw up on me during morning sex and now Im pretty sure I just saw a woman die at 7-eleven. This is way too much for a Monday morning
It's official. Hawaii is 100% better when you're stoned.
He was president of his frat and had a clap on disco ball in his room... or course I slept with him
It's sitting in bleach right now. You will be the creepiest coolest dude in my book if you made a bracelet from my tooth.
We should give each other good-luck-on-your-finals head in the morning.
Walk of shame dressed as a Christmas tree, it happened. Ho ho ho bitches
No one should ever have to Neosporin their nipples. At least he apologized.
I can't find a song to express how gay I'm feeling.
I'm just waiting for the avalanche of beef.
I just smoked a joint and ate a sandwich while watching someone get arrested. Bonnaroo is a silly place.
I don'y know if I should feel accomplished or disgusted. I just ate a dozen cookies all to myself. I'm leaning more towards accomplished.
THERE IS JIZZ ON MY CEILING. HOW THE FUCK IS THERE JIZZ ON MY CEILING
Randomize
