Not only did I see you last night, you had me help you meet women by convincing them you were deaf and only I understood your sign language
so when am I gonna get some from you?
when you dick grows 3 inches
how are you not completely traumatized after 8 years of friendship with me?
He just turned 21, it's very obvious the end of their relationship is near. Now we play the waiting game.
She only spoke Russian, but she was so gorgeous it didn't matter
Oh. I think she ate all the cake and took our vodka...still gorgeous.
So I ripped my crotchless fishnet body suit when my drunk ass tried to crawl through the crotch to put it on.
This is what happens when you live with someone you met on Grindr
You kept saying you we're gonna puke and wanted to steal my pants
That does not explain the remnants of a small fire in my bathtub.
He slapped my ass and his clap-on light turned on.
We could have casual sex if you want. But I can't offer a bromance to a woman.
I'm treating this like a real date. My boobs aren't even out.
I'm so proud, I have tears
You wrote me a check. For zero dollars. For my soul. Dick.
Because making bad decisions is what makes our house great and I don't plan on changing that anytime soon.
I mean I've only met the girl once and she was trying to slit some guys tires.
How do I sound like a lady while communicating the fact that I want his dick in my mouth?
Randomize
