She came home wasted 'not wantin to talk about it' so for revenge I woke her up with a dutch oven and she puked all over me and the bed. I can't win.
Dude I told you 22 year olds shouldn't get married
I feel like I was just dunked in a tub of beer and then thrown in a giant dryer with rocks in it.
I have to cancel. My sons dad is out of jail unexpectedly and i'm kinda an emotional wreck. P.s. This is not the life I dreamed of as a little girl.
I just had a brazillian performed by a hungarian named olga. Im pretty sure she was trying to rip out my soul. You owe me a million orgasms
Im organizing a group to help fondle my shoe. Too many shots dude. Too many.
did the fire alarm go off at the party last night I kind of remember a fire alarm noise
omg omg i ripped it out of the ceiling omg
He actually just looked up and said I'm gonna cum in my pants. and he did. no shame.
Hey, you remember years ago when you told me you would give me a kidney?
i think i just asked a donut if it was ok
.It's like gods test of willpower against vaginal comfort
Look, you don't know disfunction until you've sat on the john taking a shit and crying while totally sober.
if it wasn’t 100% before, it is now that i will most definitely die a quesadilla related death
I'm hungover and eating lunch at an elementary school. The children are barking. Litrealy barking, like dogs.
Where are you? Where am I? Why am I so red?
Is it a bad thing when vodka doesn't taste like vodka anymore?
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