Just mADE A PArabola og urine
my head looks like a cockatoo
mine looks like a lions mane...looks like the entire zoo is going to prom
reaaaally cool. my cat ate my birth control.
My absolute favorite part of last night was after I puked in the ally, we rounded the corner and you screamed, "she's ok!" and everyone cheered
How would I get in touch with Carly Rae Jepsen if I wanted to thank her for the loss of my virginity?
We are buying drugs from a guy with a Jesus fish on his dodge caravan.
You know it's a good weekend when you wake up on Sunday questioning your sexuality.
Did I really make him pull over to give the homeless guy my bra?
ten seconds after he was done making out with the blonde, he rips off his jacket and screamed "Goddamn it, you know I like brunettes"
I have never seen someone so pissed at getting some. i called dibs so fuck him
A stranger came up to me, pointed at my drink and asked what it tasted like and proceeded to chug half of it and then walked away.
I opened my bookbag to put my laptop in and I found two granola bars and a pregnancy test. I am clearly prepared for life
He just got really stoned and kept complementing my ponytail
I'm still waiting for God to smite you for impersonating a decent human being.
I just showered and shaved both ankles and one knee because that's the skin that's exposed in the jeans I'm wearing today. Please tell me I'm not the only one who does that.
I didn't really break out of the friend zone, as much as I blasted the doors off with high explosives and rode through on a grizzly bear...
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