Let's roleplay tonight. I'll be drunken diva and you be sexy sober.
IF that's your way of making me dd then count me out.
I just opened a bunch of old flavored condoms just to see what they tasted like.
you made a powerpoint titled 'things i've drank tonight' and emailed it to me.
i went to a real vip club. the bathroom attendant was wiping down counters after girls wearing gucci did lines of coke on them. where did MY life go wrong
There's a hand-carved wooden bong in my backpack, and i really wish i could remember last night now.
I swear this guy grew up in land without leagues. someone should inform him he's way out of mine
...and all my boxers are outside in the snow because????
Beer Popsicles are better in theory
It says a lot about how well I know you when I can understand messages of yours that say things like "sauteed Jesus."
SHE WON'T ROUND UP MY GRADE! I have a 79.8% I ONLY MISSED TWO CLASSES!!! ONE WHEN I GOT DRUGGED AND ONE WHEN MY CAR GOT BROKEN INTO!! I'm interculturally competent. I used to date a Italian/Cherokee Indian. I fucked a Palestinian. How much more pro-peace can you get?
Is it weird to say that Kobe reminds me of a wise brontosaurus?
Do you know how hard it is to was the scent of sex from your hair in a gas station bathroom?!
So for St Paddys day I colored my junk green and got a little hat for him....wanna see it before I sober up....
I love getting kicked out of places. Its like winning a little league game
fell asleep while jerking off ln. woke up to my hand in my pants and my cat crawling all over me
Randomize
