sometimes i look at this picture of your cock before i go to sleep, there's something comforting about it
the semester isnt officially over until i take the batteries out of my calculator and put them back into my vibrator
So i forgot that my head is completely wrapped in gauze, and tried to do the "come hither" look. He think's i'm brain damaged
I broke stuart's oven and showed up to the party with a squirrel.
I have a date tonight... Like a real date... Not the kind where you just go over to his house and have sex and then never speak again.
Just found out I called my mom at six in the morning to ask where the bong was. I win.
He said I act like a cross between a kindergartener and a high 70 year old man. Which is inacurate because it fails to account for the disco obsession.
There's some band that practices next door to my apartment. I'm thinking we may need to check that out. I could be like, "Hey boys, thought you might like some lemonade and vagina."
I just need some dick and some jimmy johns
He had a drawn-on fu manchu and now my vagina has one too.
You gave me a bottle of tequila and introduced me to a ginger named cowboy. I actually love you.
Dinner at 5, shrooms at 10.
Pretty sure the waitress here is concerned about well being bc I've been here drinking by myself for 3 hours. If only I could show here FB so she'd know I'm not alone...
Could’ve gone my whole life not seeing a man snort coke off another man’s cock... but there it is...
I love random hookups in covid sex. Usually girls think me about a one and a half to a two and a half but now that I got this mask on I'm a Solid 6.
Randomize
