Why on earth are you answering my texts promptly? Thought for certain you'd be caught up in some ridiculous orgy by this time.
I'm that good.
apparently i ate an entire bag of goldfish, kissed some guy with a girlfriend who now wants to kill me, made my sister sleep in my bed with me while i wore no pants, and told my whole family i am pregnant with jonny's devil baby...never drinking again
I never said you were fat, just too fat for ME
I just woke up to me licking the dognuts
You mean Doughnuts?
......No :(
The cab driver referred to me as his little gumdrop, im sure he won't feel the same when he sees the vomit all over his floor.
Just did a drug deal on the toy aisle at walmart, Merry Christmas
i love you man. i hope we fuck some serious shit up this summer.
Does he cat effect his dick pics to you? Because THAT is true love
Most desperate stoner moment; dropped our hard earned resin ball in the sand, rinsed it off and then did knife hits in the kitchen cuz we broke our only pipe
Get drunk. Masturbate to his picture. Fall asleep. Repeat. Fuck summer.
Would jacking off with Benadryl cream be good or bad for the poison oak on my dick?
I put the area codes from ludacris' "area codes" into our expensive data visualization software at work, it's been a productive day
His family, without saying anything, started a game of quarters the moment the drinks arrived. I love them. If only I didn't hate him so much.
Sorry for trying to wake you up by slapping your ass with a fruit 2 go.
My life just got so pathetic that I volunteered to work a double on my day off because its saturday and I have nothing else planned
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