Just found 50 pesos and a coke spoon in my dads old shit. Gotta love the 70s
who knew getting puke in ur hair could make it look so cute and curly. minus the crusty puke part
hot ketchup is not a substitute for marinara
It's Monday. What a great day to start the weekend on the week of st. Patricks day
I had to go to the front counter of the restaurant and ask for the key because I was "pretty sure my friend is passed out in the bathroom right now"
I mean I gotta puke to be skinny, wax to be hairless, and drink to be fun. Life isn't easy.
I'm pretty sure I just overheard my boss call his sperm precious metal...
They high fived over us while we gave them synchronized blowjobs. In the same bed. Under the same blanket.
I know it was you because you're the only person I know who gets drunk and craves soup.
Soup is delicious
Do you ever feel like a plastic bag?!
I keep telling myself that if Britney can make it through 2007, I can make it through this date.
THAT BEAUTIFUL FACE AND HEAVENLY LIGHTING IS NOT HELPING THE NOT DEAD POINT HOW DO I NOT KNOW YOU ARE NOT TEXTING ME FROM THE AFTERLIFE
The after life smells like latex gloves and hand soap
he said to "slap him" after he guessed the time correctly. i did.
I look forward to getting really drunk tonight and startling some rando’s mother tomorrow morning while she’s up early making a turkey
It’s a holiday tradition at this point
Periods are much less exciting when you're not sexually active.
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