I'm not saying he was bad at sex, but I'm pretty sure I anti-climaxed.
I really wish I could go back in time to change the course of events that led to me sitting on the internet at 3 Googling 'Traumatic masturbation' while talking to you about failed dates, and running a virtual restaurant in a video game.
I just snorted a line of adderall through a rolled up business card for the Michigan Law Admissions Office.... Tell me I'm not motivated
I don't know what's more sad having a rewards account at a liquor store or already racking up 273 dollar points since january
I didnt realize til after I got out of her apartment and into the lobby that we lived in the same building.
Do your friends by chance have our inflatable deer head?
Nevermind, it's in the dryer.
My shirt is ruined. If I ever get the idea of doing a tequila shot through my nose ever again, shoot me.
I think we should roll her a welcome back, sorry your godmom's on life support blunt.
Is it mean to convince my old booty call she used me for sex so I can bang her again before I leave for Denver?
that man is just a bundle of powerful magic and poor judgment
There should be a promo code on the Papa Johns website for "I have no moneys but if you send a cute delivery guy I will pay him in blow jobs."
Yeah. I couldn't figure out why my toes hurt. Apparently, the guy I was dancing with, kept running them over with his wheelchair.
Less adorably, the dog stared me down, yelping, while I gave him a morning blowie.
He's here walking around DRUNK AS FUCK in a Kobe Bryant number 8 jersey... Tucked in.
I made the antidote to the nasty cognac. I AM THE GOD OF MIXED DRINKS.
Randomize
