so im watching realhousewives of jersey with my mom. she just said they werent really rich bc they were doing their own makeup.
New beer pong partner names "Bus Boys" ... We clear tables
I called the bar to ask if they found my Id and credit card and they remembered me as 'the girl who signed her receipt in blood'
I sorta feel bad for the actual person in my fake id that got a drunk in public charge.
I was sitting on the floor of CVS chugging white grape juice until someone asked me to leave.
Do you think I can wear the dress I went to jail in with the shoes I went to prom in to the wedding tonight?
I was too sleepy and drunk to verbally annihilate anyone and ruin their reason for being. So i just opted to sleep with the fitted sheet on the floor
All I want is for every tall lanky young guy who is reading in a Starbucks to go balls deep in me. That's all.
Seriously you have a sixth sense. You woke up out of a nap to tell us all to check the clock and it was 4:18. You're like the spiderman of smoking weed.
I am here to underwhelm you with my vagina
She gave me what I will now dub a "hurricane sandy". Loud, wet and sloppy BJ that made me want to stay home and complain about shit on the Internet
I guess she fell asleep at the strip club and the other one was crying because she had a vagina in her face. Happy 21st!
SOMETIMES YOU HAVE TO BLAST VANESSA CARLTON IN YOUR CAR AT MIDNIGHT TO FEEL AGAIN. IDK.
Idk what y'all are doing but I just want you to know I'm home and if I hear him say "slap it" one more time I'm moving out
He just said "I can't wait to penetrate you tomorrow" I sat in silence for a second...he attempted to save it by saying "I can't wait to enter you".
Randomize
