Dude I wish you were here. I'm innthe back seat and it looks like outer space and everything feels like rice. idk. wtf.
the crunchwrap supreme is the def leppard of the taco bell menu
which is why it's clearly superior
I'm having a chugging contest on the streetcar. The driver is judging.
Plus someone just passed me a joint through the window. BEST STREETCAR RIDE EVER
my boss said she was surprised to see me this morning. i told her there's a time in a girls life she has to give up day drinking in order to make money for next weekend's alcohol. she looked so proud, i think i might get a raise.
New discovery: conditioner is better for jerking off than baby oil. Fuck yes.
We sold so many girl scout cookies when we were little. What went wrong?
He spent 6 hours at the ER after crashing a motorcycle and still came to the bar, Ofcourse I went home with him. He's my hero.
He referred to his penis as "a gentle giant" and said I had offended it
Let's not fuck on an air mattress tonight...I'd rather get rug burn.
Welp, I can cross "making out with a guy in a dress" off my bucket list...
U know this is gone far when im in the bathroom trying to take a pic of my asshole
So i know i said I'm turning over a new leaf, but i met a guy with a dick piercing. I have to sleep with him. For science.
I hope a pyrotechnic goes off in your asshole and seals it shut for life.
Me too.
I made him cum so hard he couldn't play video games for like an hour. I've never been more proud of myself.
It's like the perfect sandwich, once you find it you want to ensure your future access to it.
Randomize
