im at planned parenthood. the form wants to know what our usual form of contraception is?
anal.
Do you think I can haggle my way to discounted weed on 4.21?
He kept saying it was because he was allergic to the chicken. Then he threw up on my mom.
She told me she eats fruit when she's hungover because it has more water than water.
I just keep sniffing it hoping for an explanation.
I sleep with the gay men, they no longer have questions about their sexuality. No strings attached at it's finest and i get new shopping buddies out if it. It really is a win win situation.
You are my idol.
Judge me...This apron fits PERFECTLY when I have no clothes on
Who said I was judging? More like congratulating.
He drunk dialed me at 2am asking if he could put a baby in me.
I also love my swipe to text changed a singular vagina to a plural vaginas. like my phone somehow knows I secretly want 2 vaginas
My parents heard us going at it in their tent. I told my mom it must have been a bear looking for food. I don't think she bought it. She deliberately chose this park because bears haven't been sighted here in years.
Did body shots with a guy... Ended up being the ref of my volleyball game... So that's why we won
People try and tell me I never learn me lesson, well that's a bunch of crap. I asked for Monday off for Superbowl recovery based on my experience last year.
I like to send nudes ok? If that's my biggest flaw I think I'm ok
If it makes you feel any better, I can't find the goldfish I dropped like five minutes ago.
how is it I left wearing underwear then ended up with none? and why is it they are on you?
Randomize
