You keep asking me questions like I have this magical thing called a memory
so now that i'm sober i just want to apologize for violating your back seat...... on a brighter note thank you for playing the little mermaid song "kiss the girl," really set the mood.
i just peed with my friends in your backyard... do you still live here
Weekday college schedule so far: get high as tits. Watch Family Guy marathons. Repeat.
He was respectful of both me and my One Direction calendar.
All the party invite said was a date and "21 to drink, 18ish to sleep over"
I'm so incredibly high right now the fact I am texting is nothing short of miraculous. Call the Pope. Hell make me Saint Roy, patron of stoners.
This is not my bathroom and these are not my pants
I put his pb&j sandwich in my bra and never looked back
I repeat do not go to a jail visit drunk, those stools are easy to fall off.
somehow a ride to walgreens turned into a threesome.
Every time I started to really hate the guys on tinder, the universe throws me a muscly beardy bone.
if i ever get to the point where i am moaning when i pee, please do the honorable thing and kill me.
All I remember was you telling him there was something behind him so he would turn around and you could slide down his carpeted stairs on your belly without a shirt on. How's that carpet burn btw?
You are now at the point where people no longer question whether or not you might be on drugs. They now know for certain that you are
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