new low, i just stole money from my 5 year old sister to buy condoms
Does having sex in the men's bathroom on the boardwalk count as having sex on the beach?
i popped this huge zit on her back while she was blowing me. it was like a disgusting metaphor for what happened 30 seconds later.
I woke up to a paper award certificate for best blow job and he was gone. You're welcome mystey man.
Oh, I made pasta salad in the throw up bowl. I hope you don't need that for the next few days.
I puked in the revolving door and had to sit down on the escalator. That hungover. It's safe to say people are judging me.
There's a big hole in the wall at the dining hall. I hope we didn't do
when life gives you lemons, puke and rally.
Tell Chris I said sorry for yelling "It's my vagina, let me do what I want with it!" at the party last night.
Do you remember me making bird noises at the bartender with some guy at the bar last night?
If it involves mee putting on a bra and discontinuing my 11 am drinking my answer is a polite fuck YOU
sexting foreigners is the best. they respond with silly things like "love that tits"
How do you clean puke off a stuffed bear?
My life is far to together for someone who's such a hot mess inside
Clearly the Stanley Cup Finals good luck hand job IS necessary. You let the whole team down.
Randomize
