so i texed my mom when i was trashed last night and said "i know its 3 am, just go to bed and i'll be back by the time we leave for the airport"
happiness is walking an amphibious rodent on a leash
how do i say "thank you for the blowjob, but never talk to me again" without crushing her?
I said i love rain, just to change the subject, and he said 'id like to do it in the rain'. Dear lord. He doesnt stop
He asked if he could fuck me while on chat roulette.
vaguely remember the bartender stopping me outside last night so he could pull the duct tape out of my hair
the bar told me i would have to take an hour break so they could wash the shot glasses
The cops caught them pow wowing in the teepee at the entrance of the golf course at 5 am. But were still missing someone.
That's not your dick yours is smaller. Nice try.
Wait why do you have a pic of someone else's dick in your phone?
Either you got hacked or we need to have a serious discussion about sending penis enlargement emails to your straight friends and why you shouldn't. It sends the wrong message.
Plus he stuck it in when you were sleeping which would have been the tipping point for me but you art school kids are all liberal and shit
i just passed i guy i once let listen to me masterbate on the phone...nyc is not big enough
Well waking up naked, covered in Chex mix is not how I planned to start my Wednesday if that's what you're getting at.
I'm so high right now that I winked back at a character in this TV show.
so in 24 hours i have gotten caught having sex in my car by a cop, almost burnt off my vag, almost got hit by a semi, and got fired. awesome.
Randomize
