oh and i feel obligated to inform you that there will be no sexin' because it's 'lady time' for me. so this ain't a booty call.
It didn't go so well. He got drunk and asked my dad if 'front or back' virginity mattered more.
She woke up 3 seperate times, each time she had a look of pure terror on her face, she had no clue where she was.
Don't let the fact that shes seen my penis discourage you
There was a fucking SNAKE in the urinal. WHAT THE FUCK
Just found out my ex boss was running a whore house in the bar. Time to remove her as a reference?
Yessssss I diiiiid! I enjoyed 38% of it. There are 4 qualifications and 2 were good. 1. There is a penis in my vagina (Pass) 2. It's a big penis (Fail) 3. The sex is long and exciting and makes me sweat and have 6 pack abs (fail) 4. I got off (uhhh potential to pass...)
sometimes i feel like my only option in life is to be drunk or be a cat. today i am drunk
I came so hard just now that I think I may have regenerated.
I'm at a new rock bottom. Malibu on ice at work because it's the only thing they've got and no mixers.
It was a mess. I sat on the kitchen floor with maple whiskey and cried into a bowl of poutine. I've never even been to canada
He said he wanted to sit next to the fountain so he could "watch the water hit the other water".
His life is a porno. He snapped me while banging a girl in the back of the ambulance.
I'm sitting in Madison square park surrounded by children thanking god I took emergency contraception
I mean...if Marco gets pregnant, it is either the spawn of Satan or the second coming of Christ (neither of which I want in my life). So let's just hope that he doesn't grow a womb and that we don't have to consider either option.
Randomize
