glad my latex allergy prevents me from being a one-night stand whore
Sorry I thought I was a lizard earlier.
If hangovers were people John Goodman would be living in my skull trying to eat the back of my eyes
Random question, how's your gag reflex these days
i feel like someone uncorked me like a wine bottle and pulled a living animal outta my arse.
JUST MADE A FLAMING SLED. MIGHT HAVE 3RD DEGREE BURNS.
If the world would stop letting me feel invincible I would probably stop doing this shit.
we probably should not get naked in my neighbor's garage again. just sayin
Teeth make me feel like a dinosaur. Can you feel yours?
Hate you missed the after party, I was covered in dish soap gliding bare assed down a slip n slide at 6:30 this morning
The only reason I know his name is because we wrote marriage vows in orange crayon on the back of a Walmart receipt.
I have an ideal penis or slightly above ideal penis in every country that isn't ruined by the specter of communism
I feel like any time there's that much rope, lingerie, and horse masks on the ground, it's safe to say it was a great night
Hi. I have frying pans taped to my feet. I achave to go the hospital, theyre on pretty tight. Can't feel legs bring me juice
So I fell alseep while I was motorboating that girl last night infront of the entire party.
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