I don't do stupid things anymore. I do stupid people.
I told her I had to go to work this morning, got fully dressed in a suit, walked her out, drove around the block, parked, and walked right back in my apt and went back to sleep..
She was about to go down when you guys iced me. Thanks bro
Annd you probably wouldn't of fallen down the stairs if you didn't insist on taking 'finale shots'
He would only do it doggy style. The "he's probably gay" debate rages on...
My face is tingly. And my legs are being massaged by golden elves.
Just me. You're probably having sex with her right now, so here's a reminder that you should be thinking of me per our agreement.
The guy at the Apple store said the warranty does NOT cover getting cum out of the keyboard. I can't believe I believed you.
I gather from Facebook you got drunk last night and took semi naked pictures of yourself?
Also, the greatest of ironies: I got shampoo confiscated by security while Corey managed to get pot through. MERICA!
forgot to tell you your neighbor walked out of her house this morning just as I was leaving shirtless
He told me was "pretty like the wife in some movie where the husband is a cheater." I think I'm gonna fuck him.
he just ran into my room in his giant penis costume yelling "supercock to the rescue"... I am still in total shock
There's a Japanese guy here dressed as a Viking who just screamed "wats up cocksluts" and kicked a guy in the face. come get me out of here.
He's just been a dick since he set his face on fire. I just wanted to eat a fucking hot dog.
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