Spencer Pratt, I WILL beat the shit out of you someday, I Promise
Took her home last night and it was like trying to put an oyster in a slot machine. I may have drank a little too much.
you made pancakes with beer, you said they were good. then you threw up 15 minutes later
Oh no it's bring yor chld to work day...I'm too drunk for this
You filled up my voicemail with a slurred but graphic depiction of how you were humping a fire hydrant.
and i'm pretty sure he drank the lava lamp
Some guy wearing a horse mask just knocked on my door and started whinnying. I opened the door and he was like, "...oh sorry, wrong room..." so awk.
Let's just say he sent me a picture of his dick and I was more impressed with the collection of video games he had in the background...
I got pushed into some bald man in the pit and spent the next few minutes with my face against his head. Man I love ecstasy.
Yea I almost drowned giving a BJ in the shower once
I'm crying and shaving my Bronco playoff beard
I punched the bar tender after he cut me off. Hopped over the bar and made my own drink. That's how I got tazed
the next thing I knew, I was on the floor of a Tim Hortons bathroom in Canada.
I'm disproportionately drunk. But I also spelled disproportionately right twice so maybe I'm not that drunk
The streets are paved with hand jobs
Randomize
