Sorry if I ruined your sex last night with my constant text updates about the plot of Bolt.
Whats the name of the guy with his hand down my pants?
there's no toilet paper. I'm using wheat bread.
my mom sold the house because of the grow room the couple saw i had in the basement.
She said she didn't want me watching her give me a bj, so she proceeded to make a "blowjob igloo" out of blankets...
and yes i will spend 10 dollars on a vibrating toothbrush to masturbate but not a calculator for my test
The last thing I remember is feeding country fried steak to my best friend in a bubble bath with my bare hands.
For months it was all good and well just having sex. Now, something in me has snapped and I'm dreaming of taking turtleneck Christmas pictures with him. Fuck you, we're going out tonight. I need this.
He just tried to eat my hair and he keeps talking about pissing on everything, come home soon I beg of you
You pretended to pelvic thrust my mother on the boat while my 92 year old grandmother looked on. Thanks.
Due to last night I think a roommate constitution should be made. The first law will be designed to prevent any chicks below a 4 to enter the house.
I swear the toilet was so cold I tried to stand up but my balls wer frozen to it. most awkward five minutes between me and my mom.
Not sure when or why this happened but I just stopped giving a shit about everything
this isn't the first time i woke up with peanut butter in my butt
I just watched an old episode of Daria while eating brownies to cure day drunkness. Clearly I'm winning at adulting today.
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