I wish I only lived at night.
Life after highschool has not been kind to her. She looked fatter than Luke Wilson's face in those AT&T commercials.
I SWALLOWED her nuva ring. Please tell me how your night could have been worse.
Theres a picture of you hanging up on the wall in mcdonalds, i'm impressed
so why was i the only one who woke up with ham stuck to my ass?
The last thing I said to him last night before telling him he couldn't give me a kiss goodnight was pointing at his dick then at me and saying "this isn't working out"
Cops came. Forced us to take the "Honk and We'll Drink" and the "Free Shots to Father's of Freshman Daughters" signs down. Before we did, someone honked and the cop said, "Aren't you gonna drink?" They then told us to move the party inside by ten.
I apparently insisted on hugging all the bushes and apologizing for pollution on the way home.
There is a mobile STD testing unit set up at my place of employment. In the lunchroom. I may need to reevaluate my career choices. And my lunch plans.
I would have been very attracted to her had she not been reading me my Miranda Rights
Note to self...boner negates all verbal agreements ...got it
I woke up in Brittany's thong, Tony's shirt, and an oven mitt
Just tried to do a line with a snorkel I cut off... that is how my Aruba trip is going!
RAAAAAAAAWWWWRRRRRR
THATS ME HOWLING MY ENJOYMENT OF THE THINGS WE CAN DO WHILE GETTING DRUNK
I guess it's too forward to greet him with a blow job?
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