I wish I was a guy so I could jack myself off anytime I wanted to
I am in the hospital with a broken wrist because a guy told me that if I punched him it "wouldn't hurt." it hurt. me. Thank you 11 jello shots.
You were too busy being proud of your penis shaped pancakes to notice...
Its not really a relationship, its more of a sex for booze program.
This is the moment in my life where I take a fork in the "nice guy" road ive traveled for 23 years and fuck everything in sight that doesnt have herpes, or is in-between flare ups and I don't know about it until my dick is on fire.
Send me the picture of my mugshot, my boss got arrested last night and I'm trying to make her feel better.
ill give you food and tequilla and penis and joy
I woke up to find his roommate face down on the couch with no pants on, with a sticky note that said "was lost but now am found"
What happens at the gay bar stays at the gay bar. Except that I sold my panties for $100. People should know that.
We made out a little and then he gave me some weed. I would say it was a pretty productive stop on my way home
I look like i have multiple stab wounds in my foot and there are footprints from the elevator to my room. What happened?
He told me to take off work and bring a bathing suit. If this doesn't involve six flags hurricane harbor or sex in a hotel pool I'm going to be disappointed.
you don't understand it took me an hour and a half to escape that bed, I had to memorize his sleeping patterns.
I guess you know it was a good night when you find your ripped underwear in your pocket, and a nerf bullet falls out of your pant leg 😂😂
I just had a morning three-some with marijuana and a detachable shower-head
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