So drunk, too bad you don't want this
I chugged a bottle of robotussein and i ducking saw a blind lady on a purch sewing a shirt! And a tree portal
After he finished I threw up my arms and shouted STEVE HOLT!
haha you were so trashed that you deleted all of your christian music from itunes and kept saying"c-ya God, nice knowin ya"
Dude you can sell sperm for 100 to 250 bucks a time. And the best part is there will be kids all over the world that will have me as a daddy. It's like I'm jerking off my way into ruling the world
His dick might not be the answer to my problems, but I'm definitely ok with testing it as a possible solution.
I really just want to stuff him in my purse, take him home, feed him pudding or applesauce and brush his hair. That's not creepy, right?
I was the king of the handle race. My team finished it in 56 minutes.
you don't get it. Nobody wins a handle race. there just degrees of losing.
if I just puked into my own hand, but then cleaned it up quickly, quietly, and calmly, am I still a trainwreck?
Feel like I died but someone put me In a human microwave and I got back to life.
I found all these half eaten mandarin orange on the ground and the bruises on my neck are definetely not hickies
He asked me if I remembered touching his police badge. awk.
For me the most fucked up part of last night was that I know for a fact that you were sober. But your dancing was a close second.
In honor of Super Tuesday, we should have the sex tonight.
You know when you're a kid and you play at the pool until you passed out? It was like that except instead of playing it was sex.
Randomize
