Every time I hang out with your gay friend, I have to make a checklist of words to look up when I get home. First Google of the night? "Power bottom."
9 beers later and she still looks like Gary Busey.
i was gonna tell him a really embarassing story about you, but then i remembered im in all of them
I walk of shamed back from his dorm in costume while his dad and brother were waiting outside to drive him home. his dad apologized to me. my life never gets old.
If someone cleans their bathroom and shaves their crotch for you you kinda have to admit the relationship to facebook
Was it a good night or a bad night when you have to apologize to someone the next day for trying to fuck them with a turtle?
fun fact: in my eskimo family tree i am the only brunette
You straight up wore me out. This should be a proud moment for you. It's almost like my penis is asking for a timeout. But not really
I told the guy that if he didn't put enough pepperoni to earn the name " pepperoni feast", that I was gonna sue him for all he had. Believe it or not, that's all I remember.
He just pulled out my weave during sex....needless to say I'm embarrassed and in need of another shot pronto
Ok despite the fact that both you and I love dick we could have a great marriage
You're never the same once you're dry humped on the frat house floor
Apparently mid making out I got up and said "I need to figure out my life" went in the bathroom and threw up for two hours.
I drunkenly said, "That's my future father-in-law!" And everyone made an uncomfortable / disgusted face... including the aforementioined future father-in-law. Maybe I should start dating other people.
I rewired his car so that every time he hits the gas the horn and the OnStar turn on every time he hits the brake the panic alarm goes off.
Randomize
