Any toy can be an adult toy. Location, location, location.
Some fat girl belted her graduation gown. That is not a good look for anyone.
i'm pretty sure i'm on the same train we took last friday..
what?how do you know?
it appears they have not cleaned up your vomit yet.
It's like salsa. But with balls in it. I like to call it balsa
We should search craigslist for porches to sublet.
why is my underwear the only thing i was wearing that smells like vodka?
My bed smells like stale sex...I want it to smell like fresh sex, I miss you.
After I finished inserting the catheter he said he thought my name was familiar. Didn't have the nerve to tell him he was my fifth grade teacher.
did you not get the photos of the finger bruises on my ass?
...there was a woman in the stall next to me in the Walmart bathroom having a massive bowl movement and whispering "I'm sorry" over and over
Do you always skip to "Baby Got Back" when fat girls show up at the bar?
You randomly sent me a black Santa Claus emoji at 2am. I think alcohol was involved.
I swear, I make more use of my creative writing major with sexting than I do with anything else
You yelled "Shame!" like you were that bitch from Game of Thrones and then hit my balls full force with your sports bra
She is still drunk from the night before, sitting here eating KFC mashed potatoes and drinking Arbor Mist before Anatomy lab.
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