Why do you proceed to call me "Queen La Queefah?"
Do you know a sam ****, im at the bar right now and lookin for some dirt on her to guilt trip her in to sex
At dinner I grabbed his hand and he screamed "mom she just grabbed my penis" the proceeded to shove my hand down his pants! Hello Mr.Dick!
walkin around the woods blazed, drawing pictures of trees and plants, i get a grade for this
Did you wake up with "jello shots" stamped on your hand too?
There's limited edition cherry vanilla nyquil. It's like they know how much I hate myself and they're giving me a consolation prize.
we just got kicked out of the mexican restaurant. i have a full pitcher of margarita's hiding under my coat.
downstairs . braiding the drunk passed out girls hair, she will thank us In the morning
I just mistook cooking oil for the whiskey that was also on the counter... They're the same colour. That was not a good shot... I need to not drink alone.
You told the cashier at McDonald's not to smell the ones cause you had just got back from the strip club. Good deed.
Spider-Man is making out with Wonder Woman while Captain Kirk feels up Princess Lea. Nice to see nerd barriers broken down at Comic Con.
The plane down was full of newly weds and I counted 5 pairs of mile high club members. Actually, one might have been a group membership discount.
Well his dad is my dentist so they've both been in my mouth.
Why were you naked on your bathroom floor?
It was a "get entirely naked to take a shit" kind of blackout I think.
all I want for my birthday is booze and sex toys. don't bother calling if neither of those are included.
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