I mean, you're like my second best best friend we're so close I can't believe you'd do that to me
I had to stop messing around with him for fear of laughing in his face. I swear it was a pinky finger in his pants
Aw lol. Sounds like my masturbation injury last year
i can feel the knowledge leaking out of my brain
replace it with alcohol - nature abhors a vacuum
Random memory from the wedding, the bartender showed us how to open the windows and piss out of them.
He won't let me go to the bars unless I can manage to get flip flops on.
Sounds like he's doing this for your own good...
Hahaha I can already see the arrest warrants. It's gonna be beautiful. I'll get them framed.
QUIT RUINING DICK PICTURE DAY
Well for decently drunk, in the woods, last-person-i-should-be-hooking-up-with sex, i thought it was pretty good.
It was literally 8 o'clock in the morning. His horniness knows no bounds.
Tent sex on an air mattress requires balance and flexibility. Not for the faint of heart
On another note I am sitting in my bed naked, buzzed, and working on a notecard for my 8:00am test tomorrow. I think I need to make better choices.
Just because I stayed up all night betting on Australian Horse Racing doesn't mean I have a gambling program.
Good new is, my parents are alive. Better news they will be in the hospital all weekend. Best news is im having a house party. All weekend.
Hope you’re getting action boo.
Definitely no. I woke up next to a bag of McDonald's.
Randomize
