you were definitelymotorboating random chicks as they walked out of the bar. just like, down the line. you kept yelling "Motor Boats for everyone!!!!"
Blew in her face. She is Pissed. Yahtzee. As she brushes her teeth.
I guess we had a small kitchen fire somehow when we decided to bake fruitroll ups and croutons...
The only dream I remember having is one where my dad's sperm turned into baby hippos. Like, tiny baby hippos, pocket-sized. I am so fucked up.
please stop referring to my baby as "your little fucker"
He insisted on sleeping in my bed. Had he taken all of my obvious hints I would have sucked his dick. He only wanted to snuggle. My world has been turned upside down.
also, I just found three random bruises on my knee. probably from when I was velcrod to the stairs
No. And Marissa said shitting in the handicap bathroom at work does not get you into the club. You have to shit yourself. She said.
I shouldn't trust a guy I just met with the pull out method. That's a big responsibility.
Its funny that for once I get home and I'm just as high as my parents are.
Did copperhead road at the bar. All the girl next to me did was stare at my glorious bouncing tits. CAN I FUCKING HELP YOU?? I worked hard for these tits.
Drank for free all night and I'm not even sleeping w the bartender. What is this magic?
He literally said I should watch game of thrones while I was blowing him like is this the conversation you want to be having right now
I swear I get as excited about the sound of a condom wrapper as my cat gets when she's getting a can of food.
i'm not sure you can trust me in a car with 20 dozen donuts
Randomize
