mark tries to be a total badass to make up for the fact that he's a poor man's pete wentz
im pretty sure vibrators are the best invention since dinosaur chicken nuggets
You're pretty and everything..but you aren't worth the DUI
I'm afraid my bank account can't handle syllabus week.
I have way too much money in my bra to be responsible.
Was finally able to jerk off without the motion giving me a migraine. Think my hangover's getting better.
From what I remember, he had one ball. But it was cute
You told the entire McDonalds staff that I was a whore and that you didn't want your french fries cooked.
She told me she was going to ride me so hard i would cum the ghosts of my ancestors...its gonna be a good time
I am burnt. Have a black eye. Face dove into the grass and got pissed on. Time of my life. God Bless the USA.
stuck in a tree...bring a ladder. also my arm might be broken. no questions are allowed.
Her delivery came. She's ordered a pack of 144 condoms.
I know you've been in hospital with meningitis, but last night I walked into a streetlight and bruised my penis so who's really suffering here
My ass is in a myriad of pain right now
Lesson learned - Taco Bell before a long night of BDSM is a BAD idea
I just woke up on the floor with an empty handle in one hand and a piece of my ceiling in the other. #classy
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