just woke up to two already rolled blunts and a full explanation of what happened last night. I love my gf
There is so much to learn about oneself from autofill.
He threw me out a window and then threw raw ground beef at us. Normally you'd hate someone for that, but that guy's great.
St Patricks day needs to be raged like youve never raged before. Like youre in the desert and it starts raining beer. Like it's the day the announced the 21st amendment (which is the one that ended prohibition)
I'm not wearing a bra, watching Netflix and eating gushers. I don't know a better way to spend a hangover.
I'm assuming the reason my elbow is so sore has something to do with all the broken shot glasses eh?
Yep
We weren't even through customs yet, and we got offered weed. You would love Jamaica.
Dad says your scarf isnt fooling anyone and u look like a douchebag, its literally the perfect time to tell him your gay
I came back and almost ran over two people passed out in my driveway I've never met before in my life
I'm just over here all sober hanging with two high people talking about how they're "free-spirited stallions."
Aren't you proud to know somebody who texts you "manifold facade" while dumping frozen colada mix into a blender of rum
You attract beautiful men with jobs. I attract ONE WITH A SOUL PATCH.
it was a sexy soul patch.
lets start a news segment called WHY IS LEOS CROTCH BURNING TODAY
I took a vibrator for a weekend with my parents instead of a boyfriend. I obviously have my life together.
I've decided it's okay if I take a pregnancy test every month. Then I can be like, "Good job, self, way to not procreate this month!"
Randomize
