I know they r crazy. However porn on a big screen is an easy commitment. They come with mute, stop, fast fwd and replay buttons. if only all women came that way...
When she sits down, she uses her fat rolls like an arm rest.
I am swimming in semen. He must have been holding it in for a special occasion.
I'm pregaming before our pregaming dinner...with peanut butter and beer. I think I need to re-evaluate my budget...
Just the budget?
My dry heaving is complicating my ability to speak.
your mom just called me and asked me why i'm not in jail with you right now.
Last time I stayed at my moms my fucking car got set on fire sooo maybe I should think this through.
Ong my arms are moving wo my consent
say penis size is all related to how funny you are and then tell a feminist joke. if she laughs, you got double points, if she slaps you, she probably wasn't going to sleep with you anyway
Took me 10 minutes of oral to finally get him hard for like 30 seconds of sex until he came and passed out. Def not worth the ROI.
Funny, 'cause his story is it went great. He faked passing out so he wouldn't have to do anything in return.
3 2 1 whiskey
Her four year old daughter walked up to me grabbed my junk and said "this will be in mommy later." Wtf?
That was the night I realized I need to grow up and stop eating mushrooms with strange 40 year old men in convertibles.
I learned so much in Pittsburgh
Stop inviting Kevin over. The dickless wonder started playing some strange Sci-FY music and speaking an alien language and the girls split.
Sometimes I feel like my vagina has a photographic memory of his penis. It sucks that he got engaged....
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