I'm so bored and have no one to sexy text
is it wrong that I prefer my women with low self esteem and a smidgen of an eating disorder?
he wants to bone in the snuggie
Just walked out of 7 11 still in uniform when 4 girls in bikinis in a convertable screamed "we fuck firefighters!"
Career choice validated
Yup, totally tried cooking bacon in the dryer last night.
You started throwing frozen shot glasses at people and you kept saying "it's fine, they melt."
Tell Taylor to rock on. Tell her she is so beautiful that the sun shines down on her face and shows her beauty. Tell her to live on, like Martin Luther King. He'll never die. He's living his dreams.
Last thing I remember clearly was, "ok, but if we're are gonna get drunk before class, there's no half-doing this"
Hahaha I don't remember taking it away. But no one should have a sledgehammer at a party. NO ONE.
I was sat at the table waiting with a glass of wine reading my book and the hotel staff gave me a goldfish in a bowl and said 'heres your date for the night' !
someone needs to name a hurricane after you
He said my vagina is harder to escape than the Temple of Doom.
I keep track of what day of the week it is by my recent destinations on my nav system. \nRight now it's: booty call, bar, booty call, brunch, bar, church so that must mean we are getting close to Sunday when we start the rotation all over again.
I fucked a marine... I told him it was like personal revenge and he said he could live with that and that he didn't mind being used.
It was a crazy night: tears were shed, blood was spewed, and bottles were emptied.
Randomize
