would you consider dating someone with braces an investment?
a stripper queefed in my friends mouth last night and it reminded me of you. miss you
I know for sure he's a bro because he closed the door so my gf didn't see me hooking up with her cousin.
I was so drunk. I apparently did a flip over the balcony using it as monkey bars. Ya I hurt a bit today
Best part: she drunkenly told me I'm dangerous then slurred to my parents that I should watch out in case I fall in love with her. Then she mounted a pinata
All three of them were helicoptering their dicks to persuade me to take my thong off
Hardest I think I've ever had to work for a shack. Whatevs. Still gonna get my way though. I'll start respecting myself on Monday
I'm going to CVS to meet the Craigslist guy who is going to buy my underwear. If I don't text you within the next hour, plz assume that I have been abducted by a stranger with an underwear fetish.
I'm sending midget strippers dressed as bull fighters with mini bottles of 1800 to your house. Already made the call. Jer is going halves on it. Can't be stopped! Won't be stopped!
Did you send me a cake saying 'Happy 1st One-Night Stand Ever'?
I hate how she's getting mean with age
Meh, you can't hate. That's our basic life goal and you know it.
We did hand stuff while watching teenage mutant ninja turtles so I guess you could say it's getting serious
COME AND FUCKING GET ME I AM IN SOME SORT OF JUNKYARD!!!
This is either going to be a hilarious catfish or the fuck trophy of the century.
He told me my car had really nice leather seats right before he jizzed all over them.
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