you looked like a weeble wobble. everytime we thought you were going to fall you bounced back up...you're an amazing drunk
ugh, i have officially sinned in all of my cute clothes. i can't even wear any of them without feeling regret.
He uses pillows to masturbate.
I woke up covered in BBQ sauce. My hand had "you win" written on it. Do I celebrate?
hey, can i borrow that thing you never use?
what?
your penis
i don't even remember going to get food. i think i got gas too.
Not till Sunday. I'm going to sleep in my car. And I know. This place is insane. Blood on the stAirs 5 dollar slices of pizza. A girl on our floor had a stroke.
He chucked my pickle at the bouncer. Fucker, I wanted that.
That one dude should feel honored if he were to get herpes from you. Fuck that Guy. He is a herpe.
no dont worry i changed into my costume in the hospital bathroom
Remember when puke and rally meant a good time? Fuck pregnancy
Happy Thanksgiving! Hope its not too awkward that your dad and your boyfriend are the same age.
How much glitter would I have to ingest in order for a "magnificent" amount to appear in my ejaculate?
Sometimes I get confused on who I really actually know and who's lives I just know everything about via internet. Its a fine line
Ccatlin cimbing thru th sunroof plz come
Randomize
