she calls it her "sourpuss" because everyone makes that face when they see it.
And no, shaving doesn't make it look bigger, either
Then my mouth guard fell out of the hole, so that's how the dog poop got in my mouth.
Girl farted next to me in class and then denied my high five
you asked the janitor if you could ride his floor cleaner.
When I eventually hook up with a resident lets refer to it as taking a hands on approach to my job
Just saw a hooker eating a pastrami sandwich walking down beach blvd blowing kisses to traffic. My day = made
Reasons I shouldn't drink... My twitter drafts keep getting more and more emotional.
Just shaved my crotch so I could call it the bald eagle. Happy 4th.
In order to save time, dignity and liver damage, wanna get naked?
I never thought it would be so hard to find a power hour partner at 2 on a Wednesday
fuck emotions I should've gotten more cats
Why does everyone always assume I'm fucking their boyfriends?
You are fucking her boyfriend.
WEED BROWNIES! He put weed in my brownie mix! And he got it from YYYYOOOOUUUU!
Look at the bright side mom. After 20 years dad is still capable of surprising you!
Shut up Max.
the walk of shame isn't very shameful when your mom tells you she's proud of you.
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