Well I thought I'd be nice but yeah I'm not a fan of you either you're an arrogant stupid cocky unfunny loser. Don't talk to me you're crazy
At what point did we cease to have vaginas?
Sometime in the sweat pants phase freshman year.
We need to get cat food
Nevermind, the cat will eat lucky charms
Her underwear doesnt even match. If youre going to be a face book whore at least have matching shit.
i told her that i loved her pillow breasts and then she asked me if i wanted to motor boat them. so yea, i do need the room tonite.
Like my mouth was on his pelvis connected to his balls that's how far it was
After the baby comes, I'll make us White Russians with my breast milk. That will teach her about sharing.
im eating mac and cheese with a makeup brush. there is wayyyyy too much wrong with this night.
I. Did. In fact. Sprain. My liver. This. Weekend.
All the drunken hookups over the last year are self destructing, at least something is keeping nursing school interesting
Apparently I was drunk enough to call he police station and ask if there was a problem with me.
After we finished having phone sex he proceeded to serenade me with Ave Maria. It was magical.
I just broke a sweat masturbating on a Friday night. I may need a boyfriend.
Her 4ft mother helped 5ft10 passed out me from the car to my girlfriend's bed at 1am...with whopper in hand
Today is a good day to get high. It's easy to blame the glazed-over look in my eye on my new contacts
Randomize
