I like bacon cheeseburgers and the pussycat dolls
Does that mean you want me to loosen up your buttons at carls jr?
Turns out that my surprise "happy birthday" drop-in for my dad turned into a "my parents like afternoon sex a lot" realization.
Petty good. I just stapled a 5 dollar bill onto the chest of a sword swallower.
I let him fuck me in a batman costume. Don't talk to me about needing to read fifty shades gray.
i dont get why youre mad at me. i promised you he looked like jim morrison and you failed to ask me like which era
I was behind him snuggling, I told him I was the big spoon and he told me I was too little it was more like he was wearing a backpack.
I may have just poured a honey apple beer onto a dried apple slice to rehydrate it. This is my day.
He whispered "Are you feeling it now Mr. Krabs?" when he was inside me. That is NOT my fetish.
how come you came home with "Amanda owns this" written on your forhead
He looks like an accountant with a secret kinky candy filled center.
But really, someone with a penis give me attention before I start posting nudes on Instagram.
I just turned down a booty call because I'm having a Star Wars movie marathon
So... Sex in my rain boots last night. Trashy or a great show of character?
If it was with a guy, trashy. Sex with a girl is never trashy.
Wait, I'm confused. I EMPTIED the bottle? as in consumed it? I'm impressed with myself.
Is it acceptable to respond to a declaration of love with 'and I love your dick'? Asking for a friend who shares a name and possibly a phone number with me. Entirely coincidental.
Randomize
