that's just what I need...drunk ass people throwin hatchets in the dark.
i may or may not have just grinded on your dog thinking it was my boyfriend
a cemetary is a place for people to rest in peace and you just spermed all over their land
That glade motion activator thing keeps going off every time we pass the bong. I don't know what I'm getting high off right now.
Excused from finishing the term project because my lab partner got arrested. For the second year in a row. Public school, I love you.
literally have a bruise on my forehead from being over the toilet all night.
I woke up covered in blue paint and my knee bleeding, when I went to return the shopping cart the guy in the elevator laughed hysterically. I'm having a good morning.
When that rick ross song came on he started ripping up dollar bills and pouring out drinks on the floor. I'm all for ignorance but it was a little excessive for a wedding
Found a beard hair in my crotch.... care to explain?
I'm just going to text him the word sex repeatedly until he comes over.
Did it work?
Duh, it only took 27 texts and 15 minutes and he was at my front door.
The last thing I remember was wearing a sombrero and trying to do cartwheels in the club
You did one successfully. Then smashed into the wall
and if planning a fake elopement keeps me from fucking strangers and doing drugs, i think it's good for me
you walked around drinking beer out of a plunger and telling people it was a goblet...
I blame everything on you. My broken heart, my fucked up liver and my twisted mind.
Dude, I danced with Abe Lincoln! How could last night have been any better???
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