dude i need help, im throwing up blood.
no youre not, you just drank a pitcher of red koolaid trying to sober up.
oh, so thats why my junks red.
wow. cant help you there...
she cant drink. allergic to alcohol.
ewwww. she might as well have a dick.
i just won an entire level on word mole with the word 'clitoris'
They past out watching a re-run of the 1984 presidential debate on cspan
Dude it started out with let's find some food and ended up with me getting a needle in the face
Finally buying a camera. Missed out on recording a 3way last night. Hindsight. Ugh.
I was drunk petting a fox and taking shots of Jager. That's about as outdoorsy as it gets.
The spirit of America is being too hungover to celebrate America right?
I was sending him tit pics while watching how to train your dragon 2. It was everything.
How do I put this... You're dating Ricky from Trailer Park Boys. Stop eye-fucking him and actually listen to what he says for once. He actually said "I self-learned that myself, basically" while rolling a joint. He's worse than your unskilled magician ex that accidentally cut off three of his own fingers
I'm sexting with a 20 year old that has a foot fetish... This is what Sailor Jerry drives me to do.
It's has to do with my genitals. Don't ask.
why is there a dog in my house with your initials shaved in it's fur?
dude, i just woke up in a house i've never seen. i have bigger problems
Sorry for prompting a philosophical penis discussion at 10:45 on a Friday night.
Yah. Then he started clapping my boobs together in his hands and started shouting "the seas are angry!"
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